Cultivating discipline, self-control, and spiritual growth through the month of May. Who wants to join me?

HeartAche

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In the vein of this thread, I want to see if anyone wants to join me during the month of May in focusing on self-improvement and discipline. Like the OP in that thread, I do best when I start "pre-gaming" and planning and getting focused about a week in advance. This month is going to be important for me, as I just slipped up twice in the past week by watching pornography for the first time since January and masturbating for the first time since October. Going that long without those things were a huge achievement for me, and I can't let a small transgression bring me down hard (they usually do.)

Here's what I'll be focusing on, from least important and easiest to most important and more difficult:
No more than one cup of coffee a day.
No tobacco.
No sweets or refined sugar.
Practice playing my guitar at least forty-five minutes a day.
Ruck every weekend
No more than two rest days a week.
No porn, no masturbation.
Controlling my anger and ridding myself of my absurdly negative thoughts.
Using prayer and turning to God for help when things get tough.

I want to better myself physically and spiritually. Those last two are the most important to me. Anger and unwarranted hatred are two things that a man should rid himself of if he wants to truly become a fully developed individual. I'm going to stop hating and being angry at the people around me because they aren't like me, and start focusing on being the best man I can be. I've been saying prayers every morning and night for months, but I want to really learn how to ask God for help when I need it, especially when I'm tempted to turn to sin. I'll report how it's going every two days or so.

Anyway, that's all I've got. I know @PotstickerSwatstika said he was interested in starting a thread like this, so maybe he'll be interested. Who else is down?
 
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Herminator

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I'm down. Your list is good, the only thing I would recommend changing is 1 hour of music practice. 20m is just fiddling around. I am sure there are studies that would reflect this (none come to mind), but my thinking is you have to get into it to actually make progress. 1 hour is not so much to ask.

I will join you on your list practicing piano instead of guitar. But not doing the no tobacco.
 

PotstickerSwatstika

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I’m definitely interested, thanks for starting this thread and pinging me.

Also, thank you for sharing about your recent slip up. I’v been doing really good in that department for a while too, but just last week I must have been hopped up on too much T and had to talk my monkey mind out of self-harming for just a dumb, temporary sensation.

The relief it brings is painted over by guilt so quickly that it’s just not worth it anyway. Plus, last year, I developed a strange body dysmorphia where I would observe loss of muscle gains in my body soon after the deed was done. I’m not sure if that’s even biologically possible, but I couldn’t convince my mind otherwise when looking in the mirror. Surreal stuff.

One thing that has helped me the few times I’ve had that itch was this simple, rubber ‘Jesus Saves’ bracelet I haven’t taken off ever since a cute Christian chick gifted it to me in DC on Jan 5th.

Each of my no fap cycles have been longer and easier to get through as time goes on. That night last week after talking myself down, it was a really simple comfort to look down at the bracelet on my right wrist and imagine the shame of defiling myself with that hand. I thanked God for the strength and went to bed...

...I was gifted with a very wholesome sex dream and a nocturnal emission that night. I woke up the next morning laughing and praised God 🙌🏻 lol

Prayer is a great way to ask for help, show appreciation for blessings and also analyze what steps you’re taking to hold up your part of ‘the deal’. I always include a little audit session where I cop to stumbles, pinpoint what might have been the root cause and make a little note to be more mindful if it happens again. I also forgive myself and feel God’s undying patience all the more.

My days are sprinkled with little miracles that help me keep moving forward and I’m working everyday to make it feel like less of a balancing act on my part.

When I was considering making a thread like this, I had an idea to maybe link these 2 songs (from my go-to weight lifting album) as sort of a Which Way White Man?

or
?

Do you wanna choose to sit and stay when you fall down or get back up and bite your own teeth...?

Anyway, here’s to a magnificent May! There might be a better alliteration for it... but, I’ll draft up a specific improvements list of my own this week to help me stay accountable and start warming up for a nice focused month.

Thanks again @HeartAche 💪🏻
 

HeartAche

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I'm down. Your list is good, the only thing I would recommend changing is 1 hour of music practice. 20m is just fiddling around. I am sure there are studies that would reflect this (none come to mind), but my thinking is you have to get into it to actually make progress. 1 hour is not so much to ask.

I will join you on your list practicing piano instead of guitar. But not doing the no tobacco.
Hell yeah, man. You're right about the time for practicing an instrument. I edited the OP, but I put at least 45 minutes. I say "at least" because it will be harder for me to do that on Monday and Tuesday nights. Those are the nights I play videogames with my brother. It's really the only thing we do together, so it's important to me, and it might cut into guitar time. Every other day of the week, I should be able to get an hour.


Also, thank you for sharing about your recent slip up. I’v been doing really good in that department for a while too, but just last week I must have been hopped up on too much T and had to talk my monkey mind out of self-harming for just a dumb, temporary sensation.

The relief it brings is painted over by guilt so quickly that it’s just not worth it anyway. Plus, last year, I developed a strange body dysmorphia where I would observe loss of muscle gains in my body soon after the deed was done. I’m not sure if that’s even biologically possible, but I couldn’t convince my mind otherwise when looking in the mirror. Surreal stuff.
I've found that the longer I go without it, the less "relief" I even get from actually doing it. The surge of dopamine is stronger beforehand, when I'm considering the possibility of doing it. Jacking off and orgasm feels like almost nothing to me now after putting up with this addiction for half of my life. When I do it I just think, "what a waste of time." I feel the same way when I'm considering eating candy or sweets. It always looks better than it really is. If I give in to the feeling and eat candy or sweets, it always disappoints and makes me feel bad physically.

But I get the same body dysmorphia, too. Ever since I did it Sunday, I feel like I'm going to wake up one morning and my gut will be back. It also also has negative physical effects on me as well. I know the last time I broke a long streak, sometime back in August, two days after I had a migraine headache for the first time in over three years. Now, I've felt lethargic and lazy since Monday, and my back has been aching more than usual, which is keeping me from working out again.

Prayer is a great way to ask for help, show appreciation for blessings and also analyze what steps you’re taking to hold up your part of ‘the deal’. I always include a little audit session where I cop to stumbles, pinpoint what might have been the root cause and make a little note to be more mindful if it happens again. I also forgive myself and feel God’s undying patience all the more.

My days are sprinkled with little miracles that help me keep moving forward and I’m working everyday to make it feel like less of a balancing act on my part.
Hell yeah, man. This is pretty much what I want to do at the end of my day ever day. I know my life has been getting better, and it's feeling like less of a balancing act for me as well. I always want to be striving for improvement, but I always want to remember that everyone falls short as well.

I'll be back at working out tomorrow, regardless of how I feel. I love doing it too much to stop for more than a day. I'll post an update Saturday. I'm ready for this to be a good month.
 

HeartAche

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Using prayer and turning to God for help when things get tough.
I seem to get along way better everyday when I focus on god in all things at all times.

Now I can't achieve that being a sinner but when you look to God for ALL your answers, shits just way easier and its seems easier to hear and feel the holy spirit .
Amen and God bless you for efforts!
 

HeartAche

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The first day of the month is about to pass. I was kind of all over the place today and not as focused as I would have liked to have been. I didn't sleep too well, but I still got out of bed at 6:00 to do a 5.3 mile ruck (and that's after doing 294 squats and 98 burpees yesterday evening.) The morning went well, but I got a little too worked up and angry in the afternoon thinking about all of the horseshit going on in the world. I went to the grocery store with my bandana around my neck, but not over my face, which is what I usually do. I've never had anyone say anything negative to me. A lot of times it actually starts conversations with people about how tired they are of wearing a useless piece of cloth on their face.

Today, I passed some bearded faggot at the grocery store wearing some weird old-timey clothing, including a vest, and he had rubber gloves on. Not only was I tired of this BS, but I have family member in the hospital who is not going to recover from what happened to her, and she most likely won't live for another month. I was worked up and angry. I passed this guy and I can tell he wants to say something, but since he's a spineless, worthless, dick sucking NPC faggot, he doesn't really want to start shit. I hear him sheepishly ask me when I'm almost all the way down the aisle "where's your mask?" Thankfully, I did the right thing, ignored him, grabbed my peanut butter, and left the aisle. I'm telling you, I think if he pushed me a little further, you guys would be watching some cell phone footage of me beating the shit out of a guy on a thread in the news forum.

This is the kind of anger I'm looking to overcome. I see there's lots of reasons to be angry, but I don't think it serves any other purpose than bringing me down and hurting me spiritually and emotionally. I think I need to start meditating again to manage my emotions better. Also, I just realized I'm about to go to bed, and I didn't even touch my guitar today. I guess I failed already. Whatever. Everything else was accomplished, and I have tomorrow to try harder.

I hope everyone here had a good day. You guys do the best you can out there.
 

BillGud

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The first day of the month is about to pass. I was kind of all over the place today and not as focused as I would have liked to have been. I didn't sleep too well, but I still got out of bed at 6:00 to do a 5.3 mile ruck (and that's after doing 294 squats and 98 burpees yesterday evening.) The morning went well, but I got a little too worked up and angry in the afternoon thinking about all of the horseshit going on in the world. I went to the grocery store with my bandana around my neck, but not over my face, which is what I usually do. I've never had anyone say anything negative to me. A lot of times it actually starts conversations with people about how tired they are of wearing a useless piece of cloth on their face.

Today, I passed some bearded faggot at the grocery store wearing some weird old-timey clothing, including a vest, and he had rubber gloves on. Not only was I tired of this BS, but I have family member in the hospital who is not going to recover from what happened to her, and she most likely won't live for another month. I was worked up and angry. I passed this guy and I can tell he wants to say something, but since he's a spineless, worthless, dick sucking NPC faggot, he doesn't really want to start shit. I hear him sheepishly ask me when I'm almost all the way down the aisle "where's your mask?" Thankfully, I did the right thing, ignored him, grabbed my peanut butter, and left the aisle. I'm telling you, I think if he pushed me a little further, you guys would be watching some cell phone footage of me beating the shit out of a guy on a thread in the news forum.

This is the kind of anger I'm looking to overcome. I see there's lots of reasons to be angry, but I don't think it serves any other purpose than bringing me down and hurting me spiritually and emotionally. I think I need to start meditating again to manage my emotions better. Also, I just realized I'm about to go to bed, and I didn't even touch my guitar today. I guess I failed already. Whatever. Everything else was accomplished, and I have tomorrow to try harder.

I hope everyone here had a good day. You guys do the best you can out there.
"Failed" ! Are u kidding me Bud ? Failure wld hv been to pummel that cunt for gvn u the gears. U did great and ur acknowledgement of what needs improvement is far from failure. Great thread too. 😎
 

PotstickerSwatstika

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Helluva day to have the internet shit out on me, didn’t get to check in and brag about how productive of a weekend I’ve had 😎... but not having distractions probably helped.

I ran errands all day Friday with my landlady for livestock feed, potting soil for all the raised beds, a trip to the dump and the recycling place, the bank, Walmart, Home Depot, etc...

I walked around every single one of these places without a mask or being bothered by anyone, except her warning me each time on the way in “Now, they’ll make you wear one in this place.”

I bought a bunch of cherry tomato and pepper plants, radish and beet seeds and spent yesterday cleaning out my raised beds and planting everything. That was great. Gonna go finish it up now and then build a shade lean-to for the dogs out in the pen.

I was going to go to church with the landlady today (she says they don’t wear masks there?! Praise God!), but her plans fell through and she’s gonna watch the livestream instead. BUT I’m looking forward to going next Sunday.

So... I think I figured out my list of things I need to focus on this month by typing out this post.

- Stay busy (in a healthy way)
- Help my landlady more with small things and also start logging the time I put into bigger projects to put towards rent.
- Be even more attentive to all the animals and all the new chickens that will be out roaming with the others in the next couple weeks.
- Try to just walk around like a free man (could you even imagine?), but also continue trying to keep my cool when confronted about masks. (This is a hard one)
- Be vigilant about helping my garden thrive and meditate while puttering around in there.
- Church. Physical church once a week. Not just little prayers throughout the day and the ‘group prayer’ at 6pm (yes @Werwolf, I still stop and pray every evening).

That’s a solid list for now. My diet and lifting routine feels very entrenched in me lately, so I didn’t add it to the list. I will be steadily increasing the intensity of both as summer goes on, no problemo.

I didn’t include anything about masturbation either. It’s still a minor struggle sometimes, but I’m more of the mind lately to not even give it the role of ‘villain’. I want to just banish the thought altogether. Maybe I can meet some girls at church and figure out a healthy outlet for those feelings. Idk.

Ok, that’s plenty for now. Thanks for letting me ramble on. I’m coming into May in a very good head/heart space, so I’m planning to just stay steady and go with this flow.
 

Werwolf

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I just now saw this thread.
I already do not drink, smoke, or chew tobacco so I don't have to cut those out. The one thing though, my swearing.
I need to work on this.
I've been so busy with finishing up some work, and starting my business, plus getting ready to move again I've noticed that my swearing has gotten terrible again. So much so that I slipped up and dropped a bad word in front of the kids the other day, and one of them repeated it. Totally unacceptable and I really got down on myself for a few hours about it.
No cuss word May for me.
 

HeartAche

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I just now saw this thread.
I already do not drink, smoke, or chew tobacco so I don't have to cut those out. The one thing though, my swearing.
I need to work on this.
I've been so busy with finishing up some work, and starting my business, plus getting ready to move again I've noticed that my swearing has gotten terrible again. So much so that I slipped up and dropped a bad word in front of the kids the other day, and one of them repeated it. Totally unacceptable and I really got down on myself for a few hours about it.
No cuss word May for me.
Cutting out cursing is a nice thing to do. I've been trying to cut down on it lately. When I got out of the army, I began to notice how ignorant I sounded when every other word out of my mouth was "fuck". Also, the nasty freaks that I see around me every day talk like that as well, and the less like them I am the better.

I will kick it into gear Monday. I've been in a slump for the past few months; definitely need some motivation and this looks like the spot for me.

I'll create a list of demands for myself later this evening.
Do it, man! I'll try to help keep you motivated. I plan on posting small updates every two or three days or so, just to keep accountability of what I'm doing.

I'm glad to see some more people joined in. Try to have a positive attitude out there. It's probably the best way to improve yourself, really. There's no need to throw away your only life being angry and miserable. Good luck, guys.
 

HeartAche

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I'm having a bit of a difficult time already. Focusing too much on not getting angry is just making me dwell on what makes me angry, and then I proceed to get angry. Interesting thing is, I don't get angry at trivial, everyday stuff like most people do. I think about my relationships with my family, and how they aren't the way I would like them to be. I think about how I don't personally know anyone like me IRL. I think about how I can't get anyone close to me to care about anything other than the TV. About how I could die any day, any time, feeling completely lost and unfulfilled.

I've played my guitar one day this month so far. I will be rucking again this weekend, so I'm not concerned about that. Everything else is going well, I suppose.

I've been praying every morning and night, and I try to do a little more than just the typical prayers I've learned. I seriously believe that anger and unwarranted, undirected hate are huge stumbling blocks for spiritual development. I just very hard to deal with.

Cut out the processed foods.
Cut back on tobacco.
Keep an upbeat attitude through all situations.
Get back in touch with God.

Basically, I have to take better care of this vessel that carries me and get my life right with God.

Let's do it.
Those are good ones. Cutting out bad food gets easier the longer you do it. The more you eat good food, the worse the bad food will taste when you go back to it. I stopped drinking soda for a long while last year. I wanted a mountain dew one day. I drank a third of the can and felt nauseous and got a headache. It makes it even easier to avoid after a while. Same goes with BS like pizza and frozen food.

How's everyone else's month going?
 

PotstickerSwatstika

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Month is going great so far.

Lots of work around the property, my garden is flourishing, I even expanded it with a couple additional raised beds for more beets and radishes. The dang chickens did dig up the new radish seeds before I could fashion a cage to cover it, but I might just turn that into a beet bed too.

The landlady’s boyfriend got the old tractor up and running again, so we might step up from just tending to our own personal gardens and move into maybe turning some of this land into crops. We’ll see, there are supposedly government grants for first time/small time farmers available out here...?

Also, the tween chickens are starting to venture out into the yard a few more feet every day and I get a steady 4-5 eggs a day from the older hens. Still figuring out how to adjust for the other upcoming 18 chickens, but there’s still time for that.

The big goal I achieved that I, at one point, thought was going to be the hardest turned out to be completely effortless... I FOUND AN AWESOME CHURCH ONE MILE FROM ME!

Within two minutes of the junior pastor’s sermon he made a joke about Nairobi, “Or as we called it, Nai-robbery ... our guide became a friend and one day just reached down and held my hand as we walked down the street. This made me uncomfortable... very uncomfortable.”

lol

The head pastor had a great presentation about leadership and analyzed several biblical passages in a captivating way. He set the scene by explaining the sacrifice/tithe system scam the Jews were running at the time of Christ and didn’t have a single nice thing to say about them.

He also admonished modern church leaders who live decadently and made a huge point of denigrating their faggy inclusivity of gays and gay marriage. Scored a lot of points with me on other subjects too.

It was comfy.

So, like I said, that was a big goal to achieve. I think I’m gonna up the ante and start volunteering for their ‘soup kitchen’ night, if they’ll have me.

One thing I could use some improvement on is my leg day workout routine. I didn’t put lifting on my official list, but I want to up the ante for my every other day workout. So, if anyone has any tips or links for a couple/few interesting leg day routines I can cycle through throughout the week, I’d really appreciate that. My calves are looking ok, but I feel like most of my lower body has kinda stagnated a bit.

My forum use is slowly getting less and less frequent (I’ll have to really dig back in eventually when the news starts to heat up again), even my early morning and nighttime Assassins Creed: Valhalla sessions are becoming less interesting. I’m still really dependent on podcasts all day every day, but I’m really pleased to feel myself slowly pulling away from technological distractions.

That’s my update, I am very appreciative to have a place to talk about my progress. I also want to thank you again @HeartAche for sharing about your struggle with anger. I know exactly what your talking about/feeling and, without rambling on too long, I’ll just say you’re not alone.

I thought about you a lot this weekend and the many times in my life that I had to collapse into total depression just to spare myself from my unending fury and frustration. Anger makes me feel like I’m aging twice as fast, but the depression just feels like total purgatory. It’s an exhausting dichotomy.

So... if I can take some wisdom from my gradual unplugging from tech, it’s an interesting lesson in quieting my mind. Exhaling. Letting things go. Not in any defeatist way, but kind of a remix of the Serenity Prayer, or more of a focus on the part about having or asking God for the courage to change the things you have the power to change.

Those infuriating thoughts will always float in front of your mind’s eye, but you can choose how often you cling to them and let them spin you off into whatever their masturbatory agenda is... only to drop you off right back into your day with nothing to show for it.

...or something like that. lol

Keep cultivating, this includes everyone who managed to scroll through this whole damn thing. All these minor victories really do add up and all those minor stumbles only have as much weight as you assign to them.

We are forgiven, we are loved and we each have our own reasons for why we’re here on this Earth. Thanks again and again, bros, for always hearing me out. Means a lot.
 

LittleGuinea

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I'll try drinking less coffee, It's good to go on a walk every other day just to get outside, helps to stop negativity.

View attachment 53243
https://directorblue.blogspot.com/2013/08/color-mri-scans-your-brain-before-and.html
I gotta start going for walks again. It has been tough since the city installed the new prison-style street lights that illuminate every cunt hair of this ugly as town (it used to be beautifully decrepit in the dim sodium glare and I would walk for miles just wondering at the fall of the Rustbelt).
 

baronhorror

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I have been health-negligent in recent times. I am attempting to self-resuscitate with the Bible. I need a new physician. I need a career. I need to be around other people. Isolation is one of the most harmful things a man can do. I am also looking for ancient spiritual texts that will help me sort my brain. Atm, I am reading the Art of War.

I think I will also read the Saga of Olaf the Gentle, and see if he had any similar issues.
 
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